First Birth. First Soul

학교 첫날, 직장 첫날, 부모로서 첫날 등에 대해 말씀해 주세요.

When I gave birth to my first child, it was shock.

Words like sacred could wait.

What came first was disgust—the fact that something was living inside my body.

It felt like a parasite. I hated myself.

A single pimple is enough to irritate me, to make me snap—so carrying an entire life… to me, it was not only unfamiliar. It felt like an insult.

Childbirth is still vivid.

I became an animal.

The road to that moment people call a “blessing”—for me, it was hell.

Blood. Smell. Screams. Wet time.

The world covers it with pretty phrases, but my body could not be covered.

So I decided.

Never again.

But a long time later, when I gave birth to my second child, I passed through that animal-time once more.

Just as filthy. Just as unfamiliar. Just as collapsing.

And then.

After that.

What landed in my arms was holiness.

No time to explain— I met the child’s soul.

Joy arrived first and filled me to the brim.

If I had not walked through hell, I would never have met that moment.