Fate is like a deep swamp. When you’re trapped in its grip, it’s as though you are blinded and deafened, unable to see yourself objectively, as if under some sort of spell. Only after the chapter ends can you look back and see all that has happened. It feels almost like magic, yet at the same time like a curse. I’ve always promised myself that I would not be swept away by fate, but when I look back, it’s clear that I’ve always been carried by it.
What do we learn after the chapter of our life ends? No one goes without learning. We are always left with regret, regret that leads to only more regret. “I shouldn’t have met you,” “I shouldn’t have made that choice,” “If only I had done it differently…” These regrets have dominated my life, but still, I kept moving forward. I regretted my first marriage, feeling as if I had wasted so much time. I poured out my dissatisfaction and denied myself. Then, a child was born. In that moment, everything I had gone through became forgiven. The joy that child brought me was so immense that it erased all the pain. I realized that all the suffering and hardship were there to lead me to that blessing. If I had known this would happen, I wouldn’t have struggled or been so lost in the past… I would have moved forward more quietly and with less pain. But now, despite feeling regret and struggling with the pain, I am moving forward. Slowly. I know that one day, like a child, something bigger, something more rewarding will come my way.
People fear the future because they don’t know it. This fear eats away at the present, preventing more proactive growth. I, too, have felt this. Even now, I am still anxious and inexperienced. There are things I want, but I feel they are not yet within reach. But I know that my 100-year-old self is sending me a signal today. The signal says: Move forward quietly. The result is already determined. I believe that greater rewards and joy, greater than even the gift of a child, are waiting for me in the future. And so, I live today, believing that.
What will my 100-year-old self feel when looking back? I imagine that person, looking at the wisdom and peace gained from all these experiences, will be filled with understanding. I will look back on my life, knowing that, because I trusted and moved forward, the end will be exactly what I desired. I will have obtained everything because I believed in taking one step at a time.
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