Unannounced farewells leave deep scars. They strike the heart and remain as indelible marks for a long time.
My father’s sudden death was the most shocking event of my life. I thought I didn’t love him, yet tears poured down unexpectedly. I had hated him so much, but his absence hurt me. The death of a parent, especially a father, the complete disappearance of a soul, was an unimaginable weight. The fact that I could never see him again, that he was gone forever, tormented me for a long time. He wasn’t even someone I desperately wanted to see, yet the pain lingered.
After that, I became a parent. My children were the most precious beings in the world to me. But I lost them. My time with them was forcibly taken away. It remains the deepest wound in my life. I never imagined that the time with them might not be eternal, yet I had to face such an abrupt farewell.
I should have loved them more, treated them better. This regret crushed me. Just a little more, I should have cherished them and loved them just a little more. I hated myself for being too busy to play with them, for scolding them out of irritation. The pain of no longer being able to be with the ones you love is indescribably bitter and agonizing. Losing the time to build memories together is a punishment that nothing can ever replace. Only longing, resentment, regret, and sorrow remain.
Both farewells came without warning, without preparation. I can only hate myself for allowing it to happen and curse the cause of it. During all that time, I gained nothing that could replace what I lost. The time with my children, the most precious and valuable thing in my life, was reduced to an empty void.
That’s why I despise my husband.
To him, money is more precious than his children, and self-satisfaction takes priority over love. Yet, he complains that his parents love money more than they love him. From my perspective, they are no different. It is simply a karmic burden passed down through generations.
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