Heavenly Army, Doraon dorai_ By Ooahan JS

To someone as beautiful as you, I would bet everything I have.

If I were a man, I would have shouted this on the spot.

The sight of the long-haired, uninvited guest sleeping peacefully beside me was enough to shake my very sense of self.

My heart pounded mercilessly, my pupils dilated, and my whole body flushed red, even breaking into a sweat.

Dangerous. She’s too perfect.

This woman’s destiny must be overflowing with Peach Blossom Luck and Blazing Romance Stars. They say those born under such fates can seduce not only the opposite sex but also their own. And judging by her aura, she had been blessed—or cursed—with an excess of both.

In other words, she was fatally attractive.

I quickly turned away, trying to regain my sanity, but my gaze inevitably landed on her body.

Her figure was hidden beneath the blankets, but a single glimpse of her leg—smooth, silky, and gleaming under the light—caught my breath.

She was a woman prepared for beauty.

Not a single hair in sight—flawless, like she’d just walked out of a waxing salon.

Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty, would weep in envy at the sight of her.

I was jealous. Bitter, even.

But at the same time, I was happy just to witness something so beautiful.

As someone barely scraping past 160cm, I couldn’t help but feel a crushing sense of inferiority.

Is this what true beauty is?

Like the joy of looking at flowers, I felt lighter, brighter, just by looking at her.

For the first time in my life, I understood why men were obsessed with beautiful women.

For the first time, I even felt like I was a man.

Tears welled up and rolled down my cheeks.

Was this the same feeling as being moved by a masterpiece?

Never in my life had I seen such an overwhelmingly beautiful person.

God is so unfair.

If I had been born a man, perhaps this woman and I would have been destined to be together.

But I am a woman.

And so, our love is doomed before it can even begin.

I am, after all, a die-hard heterosexual.

Some might say true love transcends gender, but no matter what, I refuse to give up on romance with a man.

Lately, it feels like something is seriously wrong with my fate.

Three years ago, a monk told me that after a period of emptiness, great opportunities would come my way.

Well, two golden chances had come and gone, both ending in absolute disaster.

What exactly is the universe trying to set me up with?!

I JUST WANT TO DATE SOMEONE, DAMN IT!

Screw it.

In my next life, I’m going to be either a tall, rich, powerful man who seduces women left and right, or a goddess-tier beauty who drives men insane.

Either way, I will be unstoppable.

Maybe it was because of this frustration—this desperate hunger for romance—that my admiration for the sleeping beauty slowly twisted into something else.

Annoyance.

Anger.

At what? I wasn’t sure. At her? At the world? At fate itself?

Clenching my fists like I was about to punch the heavens, I shot up from my seat—

And that’s when I noticed something strange.

She was… huge.

The bed was 180cm long, and she exceeded it.

A rough estimate placed her height at around 190cm.

That triggered something in me—an instinct, a gut feeling.

I narrowed my eyes and scanned her face carefully, my mind racing.

And then, I saw it.

A single, long, thick… nose hair.

Wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Men tend to have high testosterone levels, which can cause thick nose hair.

So that means…

No. No way.

“No. Absolutely not. She has to be a woman. She HAS to be. If someone this beautiful is actually a man, then that means he’s not human. He’s a GOD.”

As my panicked brain tried to reject reality, another voice inside me whispered:

“Why are you freaking out? Just check. What’s the big deal?”

“Shut up. Go away.”

I pushed the thought aside and focused on the only logical course of action—confirming the truth.

She—no, this person—was clinging tightly to the blanket, as if guarding a treasure.

I reached out and carefully tugged at it.

It didn’t budge.

Dammit.

“A chest. I need to check for a chest. That’s the easiest way.”

“Idiot. Checking down there would be way more foolproof. Not all women have big chests, you know?”

My face turned as red as a tomato.

Even if this was a woman, I felt guilty. And if it turned out to be a man…?

Oh god, I’d be so, so sorry.

Taking a deep breath, I silently apologized to the mysterious intruder in my head.

Then, I cautiously reached for the blanket covering their lower half.

And for some reason—

My heart was racing.

I started to feel lightheaded. Even my breathing felt uneven.

“Hurry up. Are you seriously hesitating right now? Are you embarrassed? You’re not even a virgin! You lost everything to that bastard four years ago, remember? You’ve been there, done that, so why are you acting all shy now?”

The aggressive side of my mind yelled at me, but still, I hesitated.

I had to check.

If it was a woman, I’d throw her out.

If it was a man… well, I’d call the police.

So why was I still stalling?

I exhaled sharply, steeling myself, and slowly lifted the blanket.

And then—

Huuuup!

I gasped.

My breath caught in my throat.

IYAaaaaaa~

From head to toe, my entire body flushed red.

I had officially discovered a new race—The Crimson-Skinned Human.

I had confirmed the gender.

But for some reason…

I couldn’t bring myself to put the blanket back down.